a quote:

"If you knew everything was really all right, and that it always has a happy ending, then you would not feel trepidacious about your future. EVERYTHING is really so very all right! If you could believe and trust that, then, immediately everything would automatically and instantly become all right." -the Nonphysical entity Abraham, speaking through Esther Hicks

whew

asher is challenging me to believe this more and more and more every day.

i often think of my role in his life as someone who's been on earth longer is to show him what i've learned about the world, about how to be safe, not fall down the stairs, how to watch the trees swaying in the wind, communicate with me about when he's hungry or wants me to read a book, how to DO so many things that take us through the day-to-day. and i certainly also make a focus of showing him my joys and my inspirations and love to share with him when he takes a special interest in some crumb he picks up and carries around. and i'm coming to realize that i feel SO much better when my focus is less on showing him the world and more on letting him show me myself. he shows me everyday where i get stuck, what my hang-ups are, where i can love myself more fully. when i get frustrated in my caring for him, there's always the opportunity for a breakthrough and release of some story that's holding me back from a fuller experience of joy. he's my shaman. and he came into my life to help me expand and grow and live in the light.

(:

4 teeth and 10 steps

baby jo update:

today we noticed FOUR new teeth busting through on the top row (to make a grand total of six including the bottom two).

and also asher decided to take his show on the road and within 10 minutes made three runs of 5, then 7, then 10 steps respectively.

whew! as my mom says, he's the hardest working baby in show biz

son my sun

brilliant - luminous - radiant thing
the bright crest of your brow
begins and ends the arc of my day
you spin round in the sky of my life
and i know light
and i know warmth
and i know what it is to reach upward
away from the earth's weight
toward you - golden - shining
and i know joy as
you spin round me
spin around my heart
brilliant - luminous - radiant thing

a whole new era

so, hanging out in mary's office just now i set asher down in the middle of the floor, he sang a little song, then immediately crawled over to a piece of furniture and pulled himself up to standing. and... he's off!

the asher monster

for all you asher fans out there, here's a quick asher update and some recent pics. he's still growing like it's going out of style. he's recently been focusing particularly on cultivating the most smoochable chubby cheeks. he's a big, healthy, happy babe. and he's really strong. he's now sitting on his own, standing up against objects on his own, rolling himself over and generally getting more and more mobile. and he's *so* close to crawling. he's lifting himself up off the floor and holding all his weight on his hands and feet, like a spider. a baby downward dog. it's really cute. actually, technically, he is crawling... only backwards. he puts his hands on the ground close in front of him and pushes up with his arms straight and then lowers his weight back down, one arm length back, over and over. scootch scootch scootch.

and the really interesting part of it is he seems like he gets the idea that crawling can get you closer to something. and even though it has never worked that way, he thinks it just might work this time. so he'll be lying on his belly, arms outstretched, with a little piece of yarn or other grabbable thingy just at his fingertips, then trying to grasp at it he flicks it away. then he makes an attempt at crawling for it. scootch scootch scootch, backwards he goes. and in between each scootch he sprawls out and reaches for the yarn. nope, still can't reach. scootch. reach. scootch. reach.

he has a favorite song: the itsy bitsy spider, with the hand motions included. sometimes he'll be very upset, we can't discern what he's saying, and the itsy bitsy spider is the only thing that gets his attention away from the upset and brings him back to calm enough to help us start over and figure it out. and he likes singing, especially group singing, in general.

he often treats us to songs of his own, experimenting with the highs and lows, intonations and inflections of his voice.

one of his best friends is 'mister baby', his own reflection, his alter ego dans le miroir. when he's over the sink with a pee or washing his bottom he grins and coos and laughs at mister baby. when we leave the bathroom we always say bye to him before we go.

he still naps regularly 3 times a day and sleep fairly solidly for 9 to 10 hours.

the teething saga continues with no visible results.

we've started baby sign language a while back now; and the signs we're making with him so far are for nursing, peeing or pooping, all done, or for help (usually i use this one for helping him sit or stand up).

he has double-jointed thumbs like his papa and he pushes them into things in a cute funny way. he'll press his thumbtip onto a tabletop and pivot his hand up and over his thumb while he sings.

today he is 6 months, 22 days old.

asher cuteyface

bj and asher

hungry babe

let the drool rain down

here you go

baby eats mama

asher's fam

yesterday aaron, asher, and i left bonton, new jersey where we stayed over the weekend visiting the lovely karin and lisa. we drove straight through to chesapeake, virginia where aaron's family lives. they've known we're on the east coast but they weren't expecting us. surprise! asher got to meet his grandmother kathie, stepgrandfather phil, uncles justin and nick, and great uncle terry. (expect family snapshots soon) next stop is north to richmond to visit the last uncle to be met, good ole uncle luke. then on up to culpeper to see mary, nexus, and rannie, those beautiful finders friends of ours.

asher update: teething is getting to him and making him restless, especially at night; he's grabbing everything you put in front of him, including a most impressive two-handed apple grab today and lots of giggles as it rolled around on the counter when it got away from him; he's still the smiliest baby i've ever met; last night he looked like was about to take off crawling because he's fully up on him arms and wiggling and pushing with his legs, but he only ended up taking a couple small scoots backwards. life with baby could be completely different any day now.

i'm borrowing a book called a thousand names for joy by byron katie from karin. i'm not sure about it yet, the tone can be off-putting. but i've heard so much about her and something i flipped to in the book was very relevant to what i'm going through and looking for clarity about so i'm giving it a shot. laying aside my cynicism, embracing what she has to offer.

have i mentioned...

...how amazing i think my son is. i keep falling in love with him. and i keep learning from him: about life, about love, about him, about myself.

little tongue

he and bj stayed in the city last night and i stayed in sonoma. i missed them both, but it also gave me an opportunity to reflect on how much they mean to me. and how blessed i am to have such an incredible family.

nibble

hi

(all these photos were taken by bj)

fun with gravity

bj gave asher his first lesson in velocity and inertia today:



it was really fun. bj and i rode down this slope (and i rode up it) a couple of times. but asher didn't seem terribly impressed... i think we may need to find a bigger hill.

on asher

his name comes from his great great great great great great grandfather
he's 3 months 9 days old today
finished with his "fourth trimester"
for a couple weeks he's been lifting his head when he's on his belly
he's got a smile that lights up the room
he's just starting to watch his hands
and seeming to grab at things with intention
yesterday he rolled from his back to his right side
and almost all the way to his stomach but that darn right arm was in the way
he loves to jabber in what a friend calls "his own unique spoken word brand of exquisite and profound poetry"

when i was pregnant we called him she
so now his 2.5 year old cousin logan still thinks he's a girl
he has blue eyes that sometimes look green
and brown hair that glows red in the sun
he likes it when we help him stand up and walk
he kicks like crazy when we go in the swimming pool
it's as if he's trying to take off on his own
he likes showers
he chews his tongue
he seems to be teething because
he's constantly drooling
and i just today discovered that he loves for me to rub his gums
he's a bubbly smiley boy in the mornings
we have one of those big rubber yoga balls
bouncing asher on the ball is our panacea
that and bike rides are staples
last night he fought going to sleep more than he ever has before
he looks a lot like aaron and a lot like roro's baby pictures

his nicknames so far:
baby jo (for when he was joey in my pouch when i was pregnant)
sweet pea (my mom, "roro", calls him that)
squeaker (not so much anymore, but when he was bitty he had an incredible squeak)
baby bean (this one is phasing out, too. this was our name for him when he was swaddled)
asher dasher
asher d (for asher dasher)
smasher
asher d smasher
small friend
little one
basher dasher smasher splasher trasher (etc.) (my dad, "obi" sings this to him)
and lady killer (another roro)

asher and ayani

to follow up on bj's post, babies babies babies, i wanted to share this video of asher and his friend, ayani.



it was amazing to watch the two of them interact with one another. at times, it really seemed like they could understand one another and were talking.

babies babies babies

(and their parents, too)

since being pregnant and having asher out in the world, it has always been nice to connect with other people who are having similar experiences to mine of being a new mother: other young parents, other parents of young children, other parents with similar parenting styles and lifestyle choices, and other babies close to asher's age...

it was great to see heidi and chad and lily for these reasons. they're such lovely people. they're so much fun to spend time with. they're very easy going and loving. lily is a beautiful little soft, sweet-smelling, smoochable bundle. and holding her, my cousin's daughter, another member of the next generation in my family, felt so natural. i loved thinking about watching her grow up through the years, seeing her at our annual thanksgiving get-together. i love that asher will have a playmate so close to his age. and i can learn so much about who asher is by seeing who he's not in other babies.

and then the other day our new wonderful friends dana, efrain, and ayani came to visit.
well, they're amazing. spending time with them is so amazing.
for all the reasons listed above and more
they are a placeholder in my life. emblematic of the relationships i want.



i feel affinity with them in so many ways:
with how they're raising ayani
with the hints of their spiritual understandings of the world that are sprinkled throughout how they talk about their lives
with their commitment to living lives that are meaningful and powerful
with how they interact with one another and with others
with their expressions of themselves and what's important to them in the everyday things they do
and with their expressions of themselves and what's important to them in the bigger things they do

they are beautiful people.

biking baby

it turns out that asher, like his parents, loves to ride bikes. it's *really* cute. don't believe me?...



see, told ya!

ec

(or, elimination communication)

from wikipedia: "The terms "Elimination Communication" and "Natural Infant Hygiene" were coined by Ingrid Bauer and are used interchangeably in her book, Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene (2001). Bauer had traveled to India and Africa where she noticed that most mothers would carry their diaperless babies constantly, yet she saw no elimination "accidents" as would be expected in industrialized countries where babies wear diapers almost continuously from birth. Subsequently, she raised her own babies with minimal use of diapers and eventually began to share her successful approach with other mothers and caregivers. ... EC is viewed primarily as a way to meet the baby's present needs and to enhance attachment and communication in general."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elimination_communication


(asher's little portable seat we got at a yard sale for a quarter atop a three gallon pickle bucket)

since birth (almost 3 months ago now!) aaron and i –along with some of asher's other caregivers– have been giving asher "cue" sounds when he has initiated elimination: we say pssspssspsss when he pees and poopoopoop when he poops or poots. we just recently started initiating the cues ourselves based on timing or interpreting his clues.

what this means, for instance, is that asher usually pees within a couple minutes of waking up from a nap. so when he wakes up i take off his diaper (we bought some used cloth diapers from a local diaper delivery service) and make the cue sound pssspssspsss while i set him on his pot, over the toilet, or, if we're outside, i just hold him close to the ground. and for the past 4 or 5 days he's had a regular poop date when he gets up in the morning. in ec language those are "catches". a couple days ago we only had 2 wet diapers all day long, all the rest were catches, including 3 poops. and one of those pee diapers i knew was coming and could've caught it but i had my hands full at the moment.

so far i've had more success with catching based on timing (sometimes i offer him a chance to go just when it's been a while) than i have on interpreting his clues. though, that works out pretty brilliantly sometimes, too. there are time i can just tell –i don't know how, i just can– that he has to poop. and often, also, he'll poot before he poops.

it's pretty amazing stuff. the most significant things to me about interacting with asher this way are
(1) the ways it's empowering to asher. it helps me encourage him to stay connected to his body and not learn to distance himself from his body's functions. it seems like he knows something about himself right now that many babies unlearn and then relearn (sometimes painfully) during "potty training". i definitely want to avoid that struggle. (let alone all the laundry and diaper rashes and toting around a giant diaper bag)
(2) the ways it helps us to communicate with each other. i can tell him that i'm ready to care for his needs and he responds by taking the opportunity i offer him to relieve himself. and we're working on the part of him telling me that he has an elimination need that he wants me to respond to. i see this as a precursor to further communication. i hope that this is building trust that i know and care for him, and that i want to respond to his needs in ways that support his growth and health.

um, that's all for now. happy eliminating, y'all.

beth and asher

beth came for a visit the other day. she's quite a lovely person. i sure am going to miss her when we leave. it sounds like she's going to stay in san francisco for a while longer. silly beth.

all about asher

by far the biggest and most exciting event in our recent lives has been the birth of our son, asher jones maret.



he was born at home on june 2nd at just after 6 in the morning. bj labored through the night and asher came into the world just as the sun was rising. it was an unforgettable, incredible experience. bj's parents, three midwives, and our friends becky, beth and scott were there to help and to bear witness to his arrival.

you can see lots of pictures here.

and now, asher is almost 3 months old! it has been so amazing getting to know him and spending time learning how to be in a relationship with this amazing new creature. so, what have we discovered about him so far?

- he LOVES to eat. it's a good thing bj is so patient, and so in love with him because he asks for food quite regularly.
- he looks a LOT like aaron did when he was a baby.
- he's a morning person, waking up happy and wanting to socialize most mornings.
- he likes the water and makes the cutest swimmy movements and sounds in the pool.
- he loves to be swaddled nice and snug.
- he's giving talking a good go, he's got at least a dozen or so words so far. my favorites are: "gddra" "ckrr" and of course the oh-so-versatile "goo."

he's healthy, happy and growing like a champ. and he'll be crawling in no time!