big fat tuesday

oh happy happy mardi gras.

beautiful decay from an adventuresome day

for a while now (a couple weeks maybe?) asher's kept a small (to medium) fuss going when he's with me, and has seemed mostly happier when he's with other people. so that seems pretty clear that he wants to spend less time with me than with others. however, whenever he sees me, for the most part, he makes sounds and faces and gestures that indicate that he does want to be with me. confusing.

on my end, i'm lovng being with him in all the change he's going through: growing, crawling, continuing to explore his voice and his communicating with us, eating food (yesterday he had his first for-real-official food: mushed butternut squash; deeming him squASHER for the day), possibly beginning to sign (he makes a clenching and unclenching of his fist sometimes that looks like the sign for milk/nurse), spending more time with other people... and at the same time i'm super excited about being able to be settling into a home and diving into projects. i feel like i've been winding up for a real long time and now my legs are spinning and i really wanna touch down!

so aaron's thoughts about the situation are that asher and i are both wanting to spend time together and both exploring our autonomy, we're working on extracting ourselves from one another, becoming more of our personal selves in relation to the other. but it's a process and it's a big transition for both of us.

and then there's today: TODAY i took some time away (4 hours!) from asher and went on adventures. mary and karin kept him, gave him some more of the mushed squash, helped him use his new sippy cup from the thrift store, took him on walks outside, and generally had a fun, happy, and peaceful time together. wa-hoo! happy day for the little babes.

and happy day for me. bike adventuring; exploring the grounds of an abandoned farmhouse mansion; a malt, milkshake, and fries from the diner a couple blocks away; downtown mardi gras celebrations including free gumbo tasting, board games, and making new friends at the coffee shop. being out and about without asher kept being such a confusing thing that i decided i wanted to just defer to aaron and lisa: i made attempts at just turning that constant "tend the babe" voice off and let them steer me back when they thought the time was right. "right, yeah, of course. he's fine. he'll be fine without me." as nexus said, "wow, you're not just a dairy!" what a transformative day. yum yum yum

abandoned farmhouse

nexus, lisa, and me on the spiral stair fire escape at the mab